Nakagana's Early Lessons
Nakagana was good at giving you criticisim without being harsh about it. On several occasions he would use such phrases, "A one armed retard could do better than that" or "Do you have your eyes open or are you guessing?" He said these statements always with a smile to make sure that you knew he was kidding, and yet his tone always made you aware that he was serious. He strived not for perfection but for the absolute best a person could do, if they were honestly trying. To this day it is a trademark that has left its impression mon me and what I expect of others. All I have ever expected from another person is that you give it a try and do your best at it.
He taught me patience in a variety of ways including balance, concentration, and practice. He would give a bowl of rice, steaming and hot, and have me balance it on my head until it fell. The longer I balanced it the more praise he would give, and the less criticisim. You have to realize that for me this was something extraordinary, I had been raised in a house were opening your eyes in the morning gave the parental figures a reason to belittle and dictate you. To hear praise was something that I was not used to, but it was something that I grew accustomed to rather quickly. I craved it, I wanted it, it became more than a want, it became a need. True that I did indeed suffer some burning from the rice, but it is something that teaches you fast. Think about that for a second before you cast a judgement of abuse, to learn if a hot thing does indeed burn a child needs to touch it, don't they? Scalding bits of edible grain down the back of your neck and shirt teaches you how to stand more upright and straight and is something that you will never forget. Nakagana did not do it to be mean, he did it to teach you that you were indeed off balance and needed to be corrected, centered so to speak. He was able to translate the idea of being centered over to all aspects of life as well.
One of the things that Nakagana did was give me homework. Please remember that what I did to Hokori and Hakana was still alive and well through the neighborhood, so going back to school was an impossibility unless I wanted to get hit and beat every day. Kashii and Nakagana taught me everything I need to know at home, in a safe, loving, peaceful, and intelligent environment. What I mean by intelligent environment is that both Nakagana and Kashii would never be able to have their IQ's tested, for there is not a test that would have been able to measure the width and depth of their collective intelligence. Of the homework that Nakagan woudl give the most important was reading, it also taught me patience for it made me wait and discover the answer to my questions instead of having them shown to me. He would ask me to read and do a report on a book that he choose for me each and every week, I did not get a summer vacation, which also meant that Kashii and Nakagana never took a vacation either. I have never forgotten their sacrifice that was built on nothing but love, at that time I was not aware however that it would not be the only sacrifice they would give.
In the dojo side of the pagoda Nakagana had several lessons a day planned for me. He was very adamant about hw important it was to learn the ways to move to make you a proficient warrior. He showed how to move silently, wind walking was his term for it, he showed me how to move with purpose, he called that deliberated striking. He also taught me how to concentrate, plan, listen, and above all else he showed me how important it was to be the one that finishes the fight, but never starts it. "Always remember that it is the motions and the actions that make your character, never is it your words or mouth." I would leave the dojo with sore limbs, abrely able to walk a straight line or even lift a pair of chopsticks to feed myself at the end of each day. One time Kashii went to help me eat when I was having a hard time grasping the sticks in my hand, I tried both my left and right hand. I could not get either set of fingers to close enough to grasp the thin blasa wood of the chopsticks, could not apply enough pressure to hold it. I saw out of the corner of my eye her sweet, smiling, loving face floating towards me I looked up into her eyes and said gently, "Please Mother, stop. I do not need your help. This is something that I can do on my own."
Her eyes showed no sign of the urt she was feeling on th einside of her soul, nor were they showing any sign of the pride she had in the strength I was showing to her, and more importantly to myself. The only thing that I did see at that point was Nakagana staring intently at me watchig every move I made. He watched me struggle to get the sticks just right, he watched me force the sticks closed with my free hand, without any movement of his face or eyes he watche dme lift my right hand up with my left and catch the food in my mouth before it fell into the bowl yet again. I closed my eyes as the delicious flavor of the steamed rice and poi filled my mouth, Kashii always knew how to cook (something that she tought me to a great advantage to anyone fortunate enough to be over at my house hungry) and that food seemed to be the best thing that she had ever made. The flavor exploded in my mouth and filled nearly all of my senses to the point of exhaustion. It was not until later on when I told Nakagana what I felt during our nightly mediatation what it truly was that I was tasting.
He looked over at me and listened to me tell my story with intent and then smiled and gently rubbed the top of my head, toussling my hair. "Yoji, what you were tasting at that moment was not the flavor of the food, although Kashii does know how to cook better than anyone I have ever known, it was victory. You were tasting the sweet taste of victory fill more than your mouth and stomach with nutrition, you were tasting your soul become full of nutrition over your victory with the chopsticks."
I looked at him with just the slightest smile on my lips when I asked him, "What do you mean by the victory of the chopsticks? All I did was get my too tired hand to finally grasp my sticks and let food fall into my mouth, it was no big deal."
Nakagana acted as if I had just slapped him, he looked at me with the smallest bit of rage in his eyes, yet that rage looked as if it filled his entire face, he looked almost sinsiter. "Do not ever negate any victory you make, no matter how small it is, by using such trivial words as those. You won over your exhaustion, it takes a big person to continue after such trials."
Not surprisingly his words stung me, I felt like a small child feels after it has been spanked, I had been disciplined with words, which I found out hurt more than a hand. I lowered my eyes and immediately removed the small little smile that had been on my mouth and said, very quietly, "Forgive me Father I did not mean to make you angry."
When that response was met with silenced I was afraid to look up at him. After what seemed like an eternity I looked up at Nakagana and saw tears in his eyes that spilled down onto his robes, it was not until I saw him crying that I realized I had called him Father for the first time. I lowered my face right away not knowing what I was going to do or say that could make anything go away, or even take back what I had said that would make him cry like that, as if he was reading my mind he said, "Do not try to take back anything of what you said. The tears that are falling are good tears, full of happiness, because I have heard a person such as yourself give me the honor of being called Father."
It was now my turn to let the tears fall, and fall they did. We sat there on the floor of the dojo silently letting the tears fall from our eyes, slowly and heavy. Feeling them trail down our cheeks and falling off of our chins, both of us feeling the most unbelievable feelings of honor and pride over the other one having that much respect for us. It was one of the first feelings of love I had for a person that considered themselves to be my parent, it was not the last time I would feel that. To this day there has never been a more touching moment to me than that night in the dojo with my mentor, my father, Nakagana Kujimono.
He taught me patience in a variety of ways including balance, concentration, and practice. He would give a bowl of rice, steaming and hot, and have me balance it on my head until it fell. The longer I balanced it the more praise he would give, and the less criticisim. You have to realize that for me this was something extraordinary, I had been raised in a house were opening your eyes in the morning gave the parental figures a reason to belittle and dictate you. To hear praise was something that I was not used to, but it was something that I grew accustomed to rather quickly. I craved it, I wanted it, it became more than a want, it became a need. True that I did indeed suffer some burning from the rice, but it is something that teaches you fast. Think about that for a second before you cast a judgement of abuse, to learn if a hot thing does indeed burn a child needs to touch it, don't they? Scalding bits of edible grain down the back of your neck and shirt teaches you how to stand more upright and straight and is something that you will never forget. Nakagana did not do it to be mean, he did it to teach you that you were indeed off balance and needed to be corrected, centered so to speak. He was able to translate the idea of being centered over to all aspects of life as well.
One of the things that Nakagana did was give me homework. Please remember that what I did to Hokori and Hakana was still alive and well through the neighborhood, so going back to school was an impossibility unless I wanted to get hit and beat every day. Kashii and Nakagana taught me everything I need to know at home, in a safe, loving, peaceful, and intelligent environment. What I mean by intelligent environment is that both Nakagana and Kashii would never be able to have their IQ's tested, for there is not a test that would have been able to measure the width and depth of their collective intelligence. Of the homework that Nakagan woudl give the most important was reading, it also taught me patience for it made me wait and discover the answer to my questions instead of having them shown to me. He would ask me to read and do a report on a book that he choose for me each and every week, I did not get a summer vacation, which also meant that Kashii and Nakagana never took a vacation either. I have never forgotten their sacrifice that was built on nothing but love, at that time I was not aware however that it would not be the only sacrifice they would give.
In the dojo side of the pagoda Nakagana had several lessons a day planned for me. He was very adamant about hw important it was to learn the ways to move to make you a proficient warrior. He showed how to move silently, wind walking was his term for it, he showed me how to move with purpose, he called that deliberated striking. He also taught me how to concentrate, plan, listen, and above all else he showed me how important it was to be the one that finishes the fight, but never starts it. "Always remember that it is the motions and the actions that make your character, never is it your words or mouth." I would leave the dojo with sore limbs, abrely able to walk a straight line or even lift a pair of chopsticks to feed myself at the end of each day. One time Kashii went to help me eat when I was having a hard time grasping the sticks in my hand, I tried both my left and right hand. I could not get either set of fingers to close enough to grasp the thin blasa wood of the chopsticks, could not apply enough pressure to hold it. I saw out of the corner of my eye her sweet, smiling, loving face floating towards me I looked up into her eyes and said gently, "Please Mother, stop. I do not need your help. This is something that I can do on my own."
Her eyes showed no sign of the urt she was feeling on th einside of her soul, nor were they showing any sign of the pride she had in the strength I was showing to her, and more importantly to myself. The only thing that I did see at that point was Nakagana staring intently at me watchig every move I made. He watched me struggle to get the sticks just right, he watched me force the sticks closed with my free hand, without any movement of his face or eyes he watche dme lift my right hand up with my left and catch the food in my mouth before it fell into the bowl yet again. I closed my eyes as the delicious flavor of the steamed rice and poi filled my mouth, Kashii always knew how to cook (something that she tought me to a great advantage to anyone fortunate enough to be over at my house hungry) and that food seemed to be the best thing that she had ever made. The flavor exploded in my mouth and filled nearly all of my senses to the point of exhaustion. It was not until later on when I told Nakagana what I felt during our nightly mediatation what it truly was that I was tasting.
He looked over at me and listened to me tell my story with intent and then smiled and gently rubbed the top of my head, toussling my hair. "Yoji, what you were tasting at that moment was not the flavor of the food, although Kashii does know how to cook better than anyone I have ever known, it was victory. You were tasting the sweet taste of victory fill more than your mouth and stomach with nutrition, you were tasting your soul become full of nutrition over your victory with the chopsticks."
I looked at him with just the slightest smile on my lips when I asked him, "What do you mean by the victory of the chopsticks? All I did was get my too tired hand to finally grasp my sticks and let food fall into my mouth, it was no big deal."
Nakagana acted as if I had just slapped him, he looked at me with the smallest bit of rage in his eyes, yet that rage looked as if it filled his entire face, he looked almost sinsiter. "Do not ever negate any victory you make, no matter how small it is, by using such trivial words as those. You won over your exhaustion, it takes a big person to continue after such trials."
Not surprisingly his words stung me, I felt like a small child feels after it has been spanked, I had been disciplined with words, which I found out hurt more than a hand. I lowered my eyes and immediately removed the small little smile that had been on my mouth and said, very quietly, "Forgive me Father I did not mean to make you angry."
When that response was met with silenced I was afraid to look up at him. After what seemed like an eternity I looked up at Nakagana and saw tears in his eyes that spilled down onto his robes, it was not until I saw him crying that I realized I had called him Father for the first time. I lowered my face right away not knowing what I was going to do or say that could make anything go away, or even take back what I had said that would make him cry like that, as if he was reading my mind he said, "Do not try to take back anything of what you said. The tears that are falling are good tears, full of happiness, because I have heard a person such as yourself give me the honor of being called Father."
It was now my turn to let the tears fall, and fall they did. We sat there on the floor of the dojo silently letting the tears fall from our eyes, slowly and heavy. Feeling them trail down our cheeks and falling off of our chins, both of us feeling the most unbelievable feelings of honor and pride over the other one having that much respect for us. It was one of the first feelings of love I had for a person that considered themselves to be my parent, it was not the last time I would feel that. To this day there has never been a more touching moment to me than that night in the dojo with my mentor, my father, Nakagana Kujimono.
posted by Yojiro at 6:37 AM
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