The Battle That Changed It All

Four months. That is all that was left of that year. One hundred twenty five days to be exact. Like the old saying goes, time flies when you are having fun, and it flew by for me that four months, almost as fast as a jet plane. I do not have a clear, concious memory line of that four months, but I do have memories of that four months. Clear memories, good memories, depressing memories, funny, happy, but mostly when I look back on that four months I am filled with sadness.

I know that after my dream about Shishimi dying I was very withdrawn and scared, however my lessons had become more aggressive. Kashii showed me more of her father's moves, and she taught me more of his wisdom and skill. One of the other lessons that she showed me has stuck with me, still to this day.

Kashii had made sure that I learned and showed repsect for all living things, animal or human, mineral or plant, and that I never took for granted that I would become a part of them in some small way. She made sure to remind me that after I died I would become a part of the earth, which in turn would be used to help nourish the trees and flowers, which would then feed the animals that would then take their turn and feed the humans. "Always make sure that you respect the nature of nature. Do unto it and others as you want them to do unto you. Know that all life is precious, however if confronted and cornered, well life can be taken away in order to sustain yours. It is a paradox that all we must live with, I try to say a prayer before I go to bed each night asking for my forgiveness for any wrongs that I might have done that day. It helps."

"It helps what Mother?"

"It helps me to sleep at night."

I was shown how to read movement and what to expect from it, I was shown how to interpret the wind and the stars, I was shown how to listen to the world and let it teach me what I needed to know. I was taught how to repsect life and the spirits that dwell within each person as they walk the Earth. I was taught that people are good and they are bad, you should embrace some and avoid others, however you should always respect them. No matter what, always respect them. Know that they have their differences and know how to deal with those differences. The most important thing that I was ever shown from Nakagana and Kashii was that when you meet a person for the first time always meet them with kindness and respect, for you never know if you will be the cause of them leaving the Earth. Always say a prayer or mediatate before going to bed, it helps you to go to sleep with good feelings, and it helps to release all of the bad. I was taught to never go to bed angry, for you will wake up two times worse than the night before.

That evening after taking a shower and washing off the sparring session that I had just had with Nakagana and Kashii I went into the dojo and laid the prayer mat down on the ground. I knelt on the mat and made sure that I was facing East as I was taught, I closed my eyes and started to think of all the things that made me happy and proud at that moment in my life. I was getting all of the good images I could into my mind so I could focus on them and try to avoid the negative images the world would throw at me.

I could see the radiant smile of my mother as she was watching me and Nakagana build her a raised wooden garden for her bamboo plants. I could feel the warmth of her hands as she embraced both of us to thank us for the hard work we did, I could smell the perfume of jasmine blossoms and lily that she used for her shampoo.

I saw Nakagan's eyes light up as he understood how powerful I had become, and how much I retained of his teachings. I saw the respect and glow inside of them from the day that he accepted me as his equal, no longer a student.

I could see Shishimi's face as it was in my dream, radiant, beautiful, statuesque, framed by sunlight. I felt her hand in mine and felt the warmth spread inside of me as she smiled at my, filling my eyes with the most gorgeous sight a person could ever imagine seeing.

I rolled the prayer mat up and put it away, tucked under my futon, then I blew the flame out from the latern. I looked up at the ceiling of the dojo and saw the twinkling stars inside the skylight, millions of bright tiny lights flashing for eternity. I could smell the comforting fragrance of the flowers from the yard. I closed my eyes and let sleep come into my body, slowly I drifted down into a soft cushion of comfort. I shot out of bed as the door to the dojo was thrown open making it come off of its track. "Yojiro! Wake up, grab your weapon, it is time!"

I was confused at first thinking it was a dream, but as my feet hit the cold floor I soon realized that this was no dream. The cold night air hit my skin and made goosebumps dance up and down my arms and all over my chest. I had my katana out of its sheath in my hand, pointed out and ready for defense, just like my father had taught me. "Father! Time for what?"

Nakagana looked over his shoulder towards me and gave me the most intense look I have ever seen in my life, his eyes were blazing, he was using the warrior sight, "Time for your training to be more than show."

Kashii burst through the door then, her hair that had been done in a bun when she went to sleep, was now bouncing in a long, flowing river of black down her back, a few wild strands were stuck to her head. Her cheeks were flushed, bright red spots on them, her chest heaving up and down as she breathed heavy and rapidly. She had a staff in each hand, once she was in and looking at me she threw one of them to me.

The second I felt the hard, polished, heavy wood hit my palm I knew what had to be done. I had to use all of my training and skills that Nakagana had taught me to keep myself, and my parents alive. It was a do or die, literally, situation that will be the most intense memory I will ever have. It was my first true battle, it was the fight that shaped my destiny, and chose my fate. I spun the staff around my hand and flipped the katana at the same time, I stopped both of them so that they were pointed out and away, ready for anyone and anything that would come through that door.

We waited for about a minute before anything happened. In that minute I was able to feel the electricity of tension course through my veins. The air seemed to be crackling with it, I felt the hairs on my arms stand straight up. I was tingling all over as I listened to every thing that I could all at one time. I was told to concnetrate on the sound of the breathing around you. Not only your own, but the others in the room with you. We were all breathing in the same rhythm, slow, intense, deep. Kashii had her bow out and an arrow drawn tight waiting for any movement to release it. Nakagana had both his katana and his father's in his hands, ready to battle.

Nakagana spoke in a calm and steady voice, using words that resonated through my soul, "If I do not make it through to the other side, it has been an honor to stand next to a warrior such as yourself my son."

In what seemed like an instant the wall of the dojo was filled with shadows as the battle began. Nakagana had dropped down into a crouch and was thrusting forward through two men as Kashii let her arrow slice the air and punch a hole in another man's head. She had another arrow notched and ready to go before the man hit the ground. I had thrust my swords forward, twisting, slicing, tearing through anything and anyone in my path.

I felt a sharp sting on my upper left shoulder, I felt the gush of warm blood start to flow down my back. I heard my mother let out a yell of pure rage as she dropped her bow and started slicing the air with her whirling blades. Arrows were being deflected in all directions as she used her blades as a shield, just as Nakagana had shown us to do.

I ran forward and to the left, jumping off the end of the dojo and flipped head over heels into the middle of a group of ten men. Two of them were ready and attacked right as my feet hit the ground, that was the last thing that they ever did.

As they approached me with their weapons up and ready to strike I remembered the one lesson that Kashii taught me earlier that year. Her soft, yet strong, voice filled my head with her words that saved my life that day, If you can see it in your mind, then it will be so. What I saw then was the heads of the two sword men flying through the air as their bodies fell with a thump at my feet. When I opened my eys after my last sword slice I saw that I had made it so.

The rest of the attack was cloudy, it was long, and I almost fell to the ground several times. The sounds of clanging metal, dying grunts, bow strings being plucked, the arrows zipping through the air. I heard my mother and father letting their warrior screams fill the air in between the clashing of swords and the thumps of bodies hitting the floor. I had just sent the last person's soul in front me free with a down slice of my katana when I heard Kashii scream in pain.

I spun around to see my mother fall to the ground with an arrow sticking out of her chest, her hand still clutching her sword. I saw her eyes open wide in surprise, her mouth a grimace of pain. Her long, dark hair was sticking to her forehead in small ribbons from the sweat and blood cacking her face. I turned in the direction from where the arrow came, pulling my bow and notching an arrow at the same time. I saw in an instant the shooter doing the same thing as me. I let my arrow fly, seeing his body falling down dead in my mind as I did, at the same exact time that Nakagana let his fly. We both hit the shooter in the head and watched him fall.

I went to go to my mother who was laying there hurt, bleeding, and now as I could see, crying. Nakagana went to go at the same time as me. Neither one of us saw the arrows fly through the doorway until it was too late.

I had been hit in the shoulder, a hot burning sensation shot down my arm. I spun out of the way with the arrow sticking out of me as I watched my father grow an arrow out of his neck. He fell over dead next to Kashii who saw the same thing as me. She screamed "NAKAGANA!" She then fell silent as another arrow hit her in the neck.

I watched all of this in stunned horror, everything started to move in slow motion, the only thing that I could hear was my heart beat in my ears. I looked at the door to see four approaching figures, all dressed in black, come towards me, their feet were falling in rhythm to my heart beat. I felt their hands close around my arms, I was lifted off the ground and carried out the door. I was dropped in the dirt, a dust cloud puffing up around me, at the feet of a silently standing man. Before I looked up at him I heard him light a cigarette.

I felt hands under my armpits as I was pulled to my feet and forced to stand in front of a man I had never seen before, however he seemed so familiar. He had an air of superiority about him that was intimidating, yet underneath all of that I could sense a feeling of fear from him. I could smell the fear and surprise coming off of him in waves, yet his face remained calm and expressionless. He took two drags off of his cigarette before he spoke to me.

His face was smooth and clean shaven, he had a full head of hair that touched the base of his neck in the back. It was shiny, thick and almost impossibly black. His mouth was a thin line of tightly drawn together lips in a shape of a semi-smile and frown put together. He was handsome and appeared to be about the same age as me. When he spoke his voice was deep, yet to my ears it sounded staged. He sounded to me like the fake radio announcer voices that fill the airwaves now-a-days.

He spoke slowly, not raising his voice, when he started to speak his mouth changed from its quasi-smile and frown to a slight grin, "Yojiro, right?"

I stared into his eyes not saying a word, not even moving my mouth. My feet were not touching the ground, his goons had me held up in the air.

He continued on with his fake voice, deep, slow and steady," I am going to guess from your silence that you are him. I thought that was you, but everyone had said you ran away so many years ago."

He stopped and looked at me, I know that he wanted me to say something, but I refused to give him the satisfaction. I kept looking at him not saying a word.

He continued on, smugly smiling, almost laughing to himself, "How did I know it was you, you ask? Well, I will tell you that at first I didn't want to believe it. But your moves and your hostility are a unique force unto themselves. They are legendary, they are incredible, and yet they are flawed. Still they told me who you are, and that was what was important to me. After all I have been influenced by your moves and your anger twice in my life. Do you know who I am yet? Have you figured out who I am? I would be hurt if you did not."

I refused him the answer he was looking for, I let him have his moment of gloating. I had an idea of who he was, however he looked completely different than the last time I had seen him. By the way he was acting I had a good idea of who he was, but in no way did he look anything like the boy that I had known him from.

"I am hurt by your silence, however I did not expect anything less. Then allow me to end your suspense and tell you who I am." He was walking back in forth with his hands held behind his back, like he was a college professor. "I am a person from your past that actually had a direct hand in your fate, your destiny if you will. The last time you saw me, and knew it was me you were looking at, you had left me bleeding and beaten. I was sixteen and you were fourteen I believe. My brother was the other person that you left bleeding and beaten on the ground with me. We had been caught doing something to Shishimi that we would have liked to have finished, however you had interrupted us. I have never been able to finish that. Years later my brother and I had tried once again, only to be stopped once more by someone. I never would have thought it was you. But when I was told by one of the witnesses that saw it all what you had done, along with your now dead father, I knew that you never left. You had just decided to hide in plain sight. Had I of known this earlier I would have ended your life when I took control of this town. I am Hakana Tenzo. I will be your tour guide through the rest of hell that your life will be. I will however save that for another night, until then."

When he said those last words his goons let go of my arms and dropped me on the ground. One of them stepped up behind me and hit me in the back ofmy head with the butt of what must have been a shot gun. Before I went unconcious I was not able to see what was happening, but I was able to hear. I heard Hakana tell his men to leave me where I was, don't touch the dojo, burn everything else. I tasted dirt as the dust of my home coated my mouth, tongue and throat as I lay there drifting into nothing. I heard one last thing before waking up with sun bruning my eyes. I heard the scream of Shishimi as she was being killed. She was screaming my name as she died.

Dreaming

I spent the rest of the year with Nakagana and Kashii in a blissful state. Everything seemed to have a glow around it that had never been there before. I had noticed a radiance around my mother that seemed to light up the room. Everytwhere she went it seemed like she was floating on air, the way she moved was like watching a cloud drift across the sky. The apple blossoms as they fell off of the trees made it seem like it was snowing when it was so far away from winter. I thought that I had walked into Eden and found my paradise. Nakagana had more than welcomed the chance to become a pupil once again, and he proved to be a very apt one at that. To our surprise however Kashii came into the dojo one night and picked up a staff wanting to prove herself to us.

"Mother, please. You do not need to prove yourself to me, I already know that you are the superior one in the family. Let Nakagana think all he wants about being in control, I know who the real master of the house is," after saying this I gave my mother a deep bow. I could feel Nakagana's eyes drilling into me, he sensed the sarcasm and knew that I had dragged him onto the carpet.

Kashii looked over at her husband, a large smile of joy on her face, she too was aware of the sarcasm but wondered how much she could get her husband to say. "Is this true Naky? Is this how you feel as well? This is what you talk about when I am not here?"

His mouth was a dancing, jittering mixture as he tried to keep the smile from splitting his face in two. "Kashii you know how I feel about you, and what I feel about us. Ask yourself this, who is the one that truly wears the kimono here?" With that he could not control his smile anymore and he burst into laughter.

Kashii waited until we were all done with our laughter before she tried to teach us anything. I still remember her standing there like a living doll, her porcelain like skin almost radiating in the light from the candles lit on the wall across from her. Her smile that seemed to say, My boys will never grow up, her eyes alight with love and pride for what she had in front of her. In her tiny hands she held a long piece of hardened wood, stained a dark brown. She waited until we were both looking at her and we each picked up a similar piece of wood. Once all of us had our staffs in our hands and were paying attention, Kashii began her lesson for Nakagana and myself.

"When I was a little girl in my village I had a father that was respected for his kindess and his wisdom, yet he was legendary feared for his skill with a staff. Back then we did not have any use for weaponry such as guns, they were considered to be loud and rude. We used weapons that are now considered classic, sleek and classic. We looked at them as necessary and people today look at them as collector's pieces, I still get a small smile on my face when I think of how much money I could have made by selling the pieces I know how to make in my sleep. I just could not bring myself to the level of making money off of something so, to me, unethical. Instead I am choosing to show to my husband and my son the essential knowledge of this stately and majestic weapons so I can prolong their wonderful lives on the face of this Earth even that much longer.

"I will show you the ways of my father, Hattori Hanzo, and you will see with your own eyes why the children of the village were always afraid of him, and in essence, me and my siblings. My father was a good man that would never hurt anyone, however if you had hurt him or more importantly anyone he considered his family, the chances of you seeing the next sunrise were few and far in between. It is because of Hattori that I have lived for as long as I have, but it is with a heavy heart that I show to you his staff, for it was given to me the day that he died. "

Before Kashii started the rest of her story she lowered her head and said a small prayer to the staff and looked up at the ceiling finishing the prayer with a kiss being blown to the ceiling. She had been speaking in Japanese and I realized that because of the fact that I had been with them for as long as I had, I was able to understand much like I was able to understand the English language. Kashii had asked the spirits up above to bless her heart for she missed her father so, she asked the spirits to bless her hand so she would not disappoint her father's image, and she asked that the spirits pass the knowledge and strength of her father through her and into her students.

"The first thing that my father taught me was the importance of your eyes. Use them as an accessory to your armor is what he would say. Make sure that you were always looking at your attackers eyes, they will always give away the next move. Not only are eyes a mirror to one's soul, they are also a precursor to everyone's moves. Even the most trained and disciplined student of the arts cannot stop that from happening. Nakagana, please come up here, I would like you to demonstrate to Yojiro what I mean by this," she had stepped to the side and held herhand off to the side waiting for Nakagana to get into place.

"Watch my face Yojiro when Nakagana attacks, learn the placement of my eyes, it will be your most helpful tool," she held her staff in front of her ready to block Nakagana's attack. A look of utter concentration moved over her face. I saw her eyes glaze over, I saw the warrior eyes that I had seen in my dream. Her face became a study of dark, dangerous, and undeniable beauty. Her mouth was a hard line, her cheeks perfectly outlined along her jaw, she held her hands still as stone.

Nakagana saw his wife, the person that he loved more than anyone he had ever loved, turn into this steely warrior in front of him. The psychological ploy on Kashii's part worked wonders. Nakagana acted as if he never held a staff before, he almost dropped it twice. When his hands were finally calmed down enough tos tay still he proceeded with his attack. He brought the staff over his right shoulder and swing down and to the left diagonally.

Kashii never blinked, she never stepped back, and she hardly moved. In fact she had moved so fast that I thought she had not moved at all and was using another psychological tool, until I heard the loud "WHACK" of wood against wood. As if she could read his mind, her staff was already in the post where his connected, waiting for the connection to happen. Nakagana flipped the end of the staff into the air towards her chin, again with hardly a flicker of movement the end of her staff was waiting for him. He tried to thrust forward with his left hand still holding the staff, she blocked it again. He tried with his right, another "WHACK". For five straight minutes he did this, and over and over again Kashii blocked every single jab, thrust, parry and swing. Finally she looked Nakagana in the eyes and said to him, "I think that it is time to give up husband, you will not beat me."

Nakagana flinched as if he had just heard the most offensive thing in the world. He spun, twisted, flipped and thrust the staff over his hands and through them rapidly and with a purpose. Amazingly Kashii blocked, stopped, deflected and most surprisingly, knocked Nakagana out of her way and onto his back. She held the end of the staff at his throat and said very slowly, "As I said husband, I do believe you should back down. I will stop you with any means necessary."

Nakagana did something then that I had never seen him do before, he closed his eyes and relented. He let his pursuit of victory fall at his feet and allowed his wife to help him off of the floor, he did this with a smile of pride on his face. He looked at Kashii with a new found feeling of love and desire, it was obvious to anyone seeing that look that he truly loved his wife. "Kashii, please help your defeated husband up off of the floor," he asked her with hs hand held up for her to grab it.

Kashii lowered her weapon and grabbed Nakagana's hand, her smile was big and her face was radiant, however her eyes still retained the warrior sheen that they had just moments ago. She saw something in Nakagana's eyes that I had not and she reacted the way that she knew would be best.

Nakagana, still smiling, made the mistake of looking his wife in the eyes as she held his hand and plotting hs next move. It was a dirty trick and one that was low, Nakagana knew this because he had schooled me on it several times, however he tried. Kashii was not lying when she said that she would use any means necessary to stop him, and she did. Nakagana pulled on her hand and almost sent her over onto her face, at the same time he raised his leg so that the foot would connect with the back of her head. Once again I was amazed at the sight of this beautiful woman and her handling of the situation, it occurred to me that I was indeed going to learn more from a sensai yet, more than that, a woman sensai (which was almost unheard of then).

Kashii pretended to be surprised, yet her reactions fooled even her husband, and he did not know what happened to him. She spun around so fast it almost seemed like she did not move and batted his foot away and down, she held his leg in place by stepping on the side of his knee. With her other foot she was able to flip the staff off of the floor by rolling into under her foot first, catching it on the top of her foot and then flipping it in the air with a flick of her ankle. She spun the staff around her hand twice, maneuvering professionally, efficiently, and then stopped it with the end once again against Nakagana's throat. The smile was gone, replacing it was a hard line of anger, her eyes were blazing balls of fire. When she spoke her voice was steady, deep, assuming, "How dare you use such an ugly, arrogant, and stupid move to try and disarm me. You are lucky that our son is here or I would give you a mark that would not go away for some time to remind you that I am not some common street thug that will fall for such tricks. You should be ashamed for what you just did, consider yourself lucky that I do not still mark you."

The fury that was evident in her eyes was something that I never forgot, nor do I expect to. I could almost see the anger boiling off of her in waves, little tiny thermal lines wiggling their way into the air off of her skin. She was full of intensity and rage, Nakagana had a look on his face that I had never seen before, he was wearing the mask of fear. His eyes were round and big, his mouth was trembling in the corners, his brow furrowed and lined. He was trying to speak but could not find his voice, he let go of his weapons and grabbed the staff as it was pressed against his throat and tried to move it. Surprisingly he could not budge it, Kashii held her ground and didn't move until Nakagana spoke.

"Kashii. I beg for your forgiveness and your understanding of what I did. I was trying to show to you and Yojiro that all battles are not fought with courtesy and grace, sometimes people use dirty tricks. I wanted to make sure that you were ready for anything that will come your way. I also admit that my arrogance got the better of me and I wanted to say that I never had a woman beat me in a fight, for that I truly did do wrong next to you, my wife. If you need to still mark me so that I never forget this lesson feel free to do so, I understand," with that he closed his eyes and waited for Kashii to decide what she was going to do.

Kashii lowered her staff, looked over at me and gave me an inquisitive look that seemed to say, "What would you do?" Before I could open my mouth to answer her she reacted quick. She brought the staff over her head and let out a primal scream of rage and brought it down towards his head, at the last moment she moved the end of the staff and hit the floor next to his cheek leaving a large crack and hole in the stone there. When the last of the scream stopped echoing inside the dojo Nakagana opened his eyes to stare up into his wife's, her face was wet with sweat and tears, her hair was hanging down along her cheeks. Her whole body was shaking and quivering, she stood there and waited until Nakagana got up on his feet and then hugged her. They walked towards the house together and left me alone in the dojo to contemplate what I had just seen. I watched as they shambled across the lawn and into the back door, then I watched the lights go on inside and I could see their shadows against the windows. I followed their progression from the back door to the bedroom, watching them stumble and remove clothing along the way I knew that I would be sleeping in the dojo that night.

That night I had a dream of incredible power and surprise, surprise mainly because it brought back tomy mind a person that I had not thought of in a long time. As I lay down on the futon in the back of the dojo, my head resting on the feather pillow, my body warm underneath the thick and plush comforter, my eyes closed and mymind began its dance of dreams. The first image that I saw was a field of flowers and tall grass waving in a slight breeze, there was a slight hill, a small raise more than anything with a figure on top. I could tell by looking at that figure it was a woman, the swell of breasts was visible from the profile view I had of her. Her long, flowing silken robe was billowing in the breeze just as the grass and flowers was. Her hair was gently waving in the same breeze as her clothes and the flowers, she must have heard or seen me because she turned towards me. One hand was holding her hair out of her face, the other was clutching the open part of her robe against her, covering her beautiful body. Sunlight was surrounding her and she was smiling, that smile seemed to be brighter than the sun that illuminated her in a heavenly glow.

She started running towards me with a large smile on her face her arms up and open, ready to embrace me and hold me against her. She was running so fast it looked as if her feet were floating above the ground. Her hair was streaming out behind her, bouncing and waving in the breeze from her running. As he approached closer I could see her face better. She looked like someone that I had met before, only a grown up woman now, not a child. Here in front of me, running towards me and my arms, was the only person other than my parents to show me any effection or caring. Running towards me was my beautiful Shishimi, as I was running towards her with my arms ready to catch her.

As we were running towards each other and getting closer I could see her face starting to change into a twisted sort of grimace. Her hands clutched her stomach as she toppled over onto her face and rolled down the small hill in front of her. I opened my m outh and screamed for her, tried to catch her before she fell, however she was too far away from me. I watched as her body stopped rolling and she was laying face down in the flowers and tall grass at the bottom of the hill. When I got to he side I rolled her over so she could look up into my face, and I could gaze down into her blazing and bright eyes. A feeling of doom had started to creep into my heart, I was hoping that I was wrong, but it soon became quite clear that I was right to feel so scared and tense.

When I rolled Shishimi over to look into her face I saw that her eyes were closed and that her mouth was trembling. She had tears rolling down her cheeks, big sparkling drops that caught the sunlight and twinkled, they looked like diamonds against her smooth skin. She had reached a hand up while moving her mouth into a strained, painful smile. She opened her trembling mouth and whispered in her sweet angelic voice, "Yojiro," as she touched my face. I could feel my skin burning from where she put her fingers. She made a small coughing noise and I watched the smile disappear from her face.

I was doing all that I could not to let her fall out of my shaking hands, the tears I could not stop at all. I slowly layed her on the grass below and lifted my hands up to move the hair out of her face. My fingers were leaving red trails of blood behind on her forehead as I moved the hair out of her face, I looked at them in disbelief not wanting to truly see it, but not able to stop myself from seeing it. She could see the concern on my face and almost as if she could read my mind she said, "It is too late for me, always watch out for them, always."

I held her head an looked into her eyes, my tears falling and mixing with hers, I wiped them away and I finally was able to make my voice work as I told her, "Wait for me Shishimi, wait for me. I won't be long behind you. I love you." I could feel her body tighten up as she took one last breath and looked me in the eyes, smiling at me with love reflecting in her eyes. She closed her eyes and went limp in my grasp, I could hear the breath leave her mouth. Her hand slowly feel from the back of my head and caught on my shoulder, it hung there for about three or four seconds before falling slowly down next to her face. I held her and sobbed over her dead body unaware of what was happening around me.

In my dream as I was holding Shishimi in my arms and crying over her the wind started to pick up and blow more of the blossoms that were falling around us and enclose us in a cloud of perfume. I looked up at the billowing curtain of pastel and watched as it danced on the air, seeming to make a pair of wings ready to carry my beloved Shishimi away from me. Through the curtain however I was able to see the horizon and I could see black, lighting spewing clouds and I could hear the rumble of thunder as the storm was approaching.

I gathered Shishimi in my arms and held her lifeless body against mine hoping that the beating mf my heart would bring her back, and ran for the nearest shelter, a cave in the bluff wall. We reached the entrance just as the rain picked up and became a downpour. I lay Shishismi on the floor of the cave and rolled my robe under her head, I crossed her hands on her chest and closed her eyes. I had lit three candles and was looking at her face in the dancing candle light, I knelt next to he dead body and prayed for her souls safe trip to the heavens. Outside the cave I was able to hear what I thought was thunder, but soon discovered that it was much wore, and much more dangerous than the sound of thunder.

In dreams the smallest of actions have a way of reverberating on your soul, the direction of the falling rain for instance can make you feel happy or sad, the soft sound of a voice can give you either a good light feeling or a heavy evil feel. That is why when I heard voices of other people my soul was immediately filled with an insurmountable feeling of dread and grief. I could hear what sounded like fifty or more men yelling commands and answering questions, what I thought was thunder was the sound of their horses hooves on the hard packed ground. Once I realized that it was not thunder that was approaching and it was these men I extinguished the candles as quickly as I could, hoping that they did not see the glow off of the walls. It was soon evident that they had seen the candlelight because five meant came straight to the cave entrance and pulled me and Shishimi's dead body out into the rain. When the men had found out that she was already dead they had thrown her body off to the side and forced me down onto my knees in front of the rest of the army there.

My first guess of fifty or more men was off by a little, I was kneeling in front of over three thousand men lined up in rows on their horses, all of them were wearing armor. One of the men got off of his horse and came directly to me, I recognized his face immediately. I could tell that this person in front of me was Hokori, only now he was much older than the last time I saw him. He raised his sword over his shoulder and brought it down towards my neck. I could not move or duck out of the way since his men had been holding my arms out at my side. Lightning struck in the sky, I could see it flash off of Hokori's blade before it sliced through my skin. I woke up on the floor of the dojo as I heard thunder explode in the sky hovering over my death.

It took me a long time to catch my breath as I scrambled to my feet and realized that I was still breathing, for the time being. It was dark, the fire in the pit in the middle of the dojo floor had gone out a while ago, I could hear dogs barking in distant yards, I could see stars shining through the sky light in the ceiling above me. I knelt down on the prayer mat that was beside the bed that I had been in when I went to sleep, I closed my eyes and placed my hands on my knees. I looked up at the sky and thanked the Great Spirits for giving me another day to live and breathe, and then I said a prayer to myself silently, wishing that what I saw never came true. I spent the rest of that year, the four months of what was left of it, afraid to sleep. I was very nervous that I would have to see Shishimi die in my arms and never know the reason why she did. I looked forward to seeing Shishimi in my dreams, but I did not look forward to watching her die. I could have cared less that I saw my own death, I never wanted to Shishimi die ever again.

A Dark Inspiration

After the talk Nakagana and I had a fantastic relationship, as did Kashii and myself. I found that the more responsible the person they felt you to be the more respect they gave you. I did everything I could not to let them down, of course along the way I had some stumbles, as we all did. After Nakagana showed me the power of saki, sweet and tangy it is (such a fine wine), I happened across a bottle one night and fell into a stupor. That is not so bad, but when you consider that I was nothing more than fourteen at the time, well it doesn't make you wonder why Kashii was angry at me does it? Life continued, onward and forward, sometimes it would be good if it stopped right there wouldn't it? But life is not always easy, seldom is it ever, it has a way of sneaking up on you and surprising you with the most heinous of things.

After that first night of battle Nakagana showed more efficient and powerful moves, as I was able to show him new moves. He was impressed with my use of what he called "street thuggery" and the ancient moves of his forefathers. He said that it was a subtle yet deadly blend of martial arts that helped me be the warrior I was. One night as we were sparring with our wooden swords he executed two quick flicks with his wrist that sent my sword to the floor. Instead of listening to instinct and reaching down for it I surprised Nakagana and was able to disarm him in three moves. The first move consisted of me flipping back on my hands, the second move was my feet coming up and kicking the bottom of the sword handle in his hand, the third move was me catching the sword and holding it against his throat, the killing position he taught me so long ago. He flinched, amazed at the speed and agility that I had showed, and clapped his hands in pure astonishment. He was so amazed he asked me to show him how to do this, he said that he had never had a student (he had trained six others before me) become his teacher before.

I had asked him about the six others that he had trained prior to me wanting to know who they were, and where they were. He looked at me and said only this about that subject, "When the time is right for to know who they are they will show themselves to you. I will not tell you their names, nor where you can search them out, they will come to you. Have faith, when it is dark they will give you light." I lived with this mysterious message going over and over in my mind for quite some time before it all made sense to me. Right now that story is not for now, but for another time, perhaps even another place.

Nakakgana taught me many things but the most important thing that he ever taught me was how to be aware of everything around me. It was almost as if I could feel the vibrations of the earth as it changed around me. Because of this I was able to tell that something terrible was about to happen one night, something that would change my life forever.

That night I had a dream that has become a recurring haunting of mine. I dreamt that I was in the dojo with Nakagana and Kashii, outside the walls were shadows moving everywhere, flickering and dancing from the fire behind them. Each of the shadows had a weapon in their hand, either a gun or a sword, because of the flickering flames it was impossible to tell how many people were out there it could have been five or fifty.

Kashii was holding her sword above her shoulder, both hands on the hilt, waiting for the first shadow to materialize into life. Her eyes were flicking back and forth measuring and planning, just the way that Nakagana had taught her. She was poised and ready for anything. Her shoulder had a small round patch of blood staining the silk of her kimono, it was rapidly spreading into a much bigger spot. Some of her hair was dangling in front of her face, the strands jumping up and down from her hard breathing, small drops of sweat were running down her face. Her eyes had glazed over into the all too familiar haze of battle, she had the "warrior eyes" as Nakagana called them.

On the other side of me was Nakagana he too had the warrior eyes, his mouth made into a sneer of determination and power. In each of his hands he held a sword, both of them pointed up and ready to draw blood. His eyes were measuring and calculating every single inch of floor and wall between him, waiting for the first sign of human form instead of dancing shadow. His face was set, almost as if it was stone, small beads of sweat running down his cheeks. His hair which normally would have been pulled tight into a tail at the nape of his neck was hanging loose and down past his shoulders. He also had a small round patch of blood spreading into something much more, only his was on his right thigh, his chest was rising and falling rapidly as his breathing increased in speed. His eyes constantly moving he never looked away from the front door of the dojo.

In myself I could feel the rage building up, fiery and hostile, it consumed every inch of my mind and soul. I knew that this rage could only have come from the hurt that is made from a personal attack, on either myself, my house or my family. Judging from the shadows outside and the wounds on Kashii and Nakagana it was a combination of all of them. My eyes were also dancing left and right, measuring and waiting, planning and calculating like I had been trained to do. I did look down remembering that the floor was raised, I thought I had heard a sound of something or someone trying to cut through the floor. I noticed the wounds that I had at the time, I had blood spreading in a circular pattern around an arrow that was sticking out of my waist, down by my hip. The wood of the arrow was twitching as I shifted my weight from my left to right foot, the feathers on the end dancing ever so slightly. I also had sweat dripping off of my face, both hands wrapped around the handles of the swords given to me from Nakagana. I waited for the first sign of shadow to turn into form inside the room, either from the ceiling, doorway, or floor.

What seemed to be all at once the front walls and doorway of the dojo exploded in and ten people came rushing towards the three of us all of them with their weapons raised. One of the charging memebers of this attack had hit the floor before they even had time to think, his head seperated from his shoulders. The person next to him followed not a second later, in the same fashion as the first. The sounds of gunshots filled the air along with the clang of metal against metal as some of the intruders counter-attacked the sword moves from Kahii and Nakagana. I had four people in front of me running towards me, all of them with guns raised. I let my instincts take over and reacted the only way they knew how to.

I raised the blades of my swords with the cutting edges towards the people in front of me, at the same time I started to spin around moving my arms up and down like pistons. I hit each one of the people with either the blade of my spinning swords or with my hand wrapped around the handle of the swords. Each of their guns were hit away from me getting me out of their sights. I stopped spinning and was standing in the middle of the four of them, all of their guns thrown across the room. As I brought my right forward and sliced through the person in front of me, my left was thrusting to the back and sliding through the middle of the person behind me. I pulled the swords out and flipped them around my hands and thrust them both the same way that I had just done, this time into the other two people that were standing in front and behind me. After all of them had hit the floor with their spinal cords severed I turned towards Nakagana and Kashii.

I saw both of them drop the intruders in front of them and then I had another gunshot and Kashii screaming, I watched as her body spun around and hit the floor with a thump. I saw Nakagana hold his sword over his head and run towards the doorway, I saw out of the corner of my eye what looked like a fireball flying through the air. It was not until I saw the flaming end of an arrow sticking out of his back that I realized what had just happened. It was then the dojo was filled with flames and smoke, everything started to become dark and I was having a hard time breathing, I could feel my skin going cold. I woke up with a gasp with my sowrd held out in front of me, I watched as the lantern that was hanging next to my bed hit the floor, I had sliced the string holding it in place.

I told Nakagana and Kashii about the dream the next day and they both seemed less than worried about it. They explained to me like this, "Dreams are only images our minds show us in terms that we will understand. What they show us hardly, if ever, come completely true like they are shown to us. It is our mind taking a more complex problem and breaking it down into simple terms for us to comprehend. Apparently something else is troubling you that looks as if it will end in conflict, I doubt that it will be a fateful battle such as you dreamed."

For several months I lived with this explanation, it took me some convincing that it was all a dream. It was the biggest fear that I had I didn't want the only family that ever loved me taken away from me. My training was not affected by this dream, but as Nakagana pointed out one day, "You seem to have found a new inspiration for your teachings. Your agility and speed have almost tripled, and your sword manaveurs are astounding. Is it the dream that driving you?"

His ability to read my mind and my thoughts was amazing and scary. I kept the image of him and my mother in my mind as they lay dying when we would start training. My desire to keep them alive, breathing, being there for me to love me until they were old was waht made me more aware, attentive. It was almost like I had a hyper-awareness of everyone and everything around me. What would normally take me five moves to disarm Nakagana was only taking three, sometimes two. I was able to avoid and dodge more of his hands and weapons, even the ones that he never showed me. His frustration became my energy, seeing the asonishment grow in his eyes was my dessert. He was throwing everything he had at me and yet I was able to avoid every last thing he threw, the whole time his death playing over and over in my mind. He stopped swinging his hands and arms after five minutes and said in a most commanding voice, "STOP!"

Immediately I snapped into the attention stance that so many soldiers are familiar with. My hands down at my sides, my head held high and level, eyes forward, all movement ceased. He closed his eyes and held his hands in front of him, slowly he took in a full breath and released as he moved his hands away from his body, fingers pointed out, eyes closed. He was releasing all of the "demons" from his body, the cleansing ritual that we did at the end of each sparring session. When he opened his eyes he was staring directly at me, trying very hard to see through me, I was not allowing him to. His gaze became more hard and powerful, yet I deflected his attempts to read my mind. He looked down at his feet and tried a different approach, this time he looked up at me with less fire blazing in his eyes, yet all of the intensity remained. Again I defied him access to my thoughts. He lowered himself to one knee and did the most unimaginable thing then.

"I have no more to show you or teach you. I have given you everything that I know. You are no longer a student, nor are you a teacher, and you have become more than I have ever been and will be. You have surpassed your sensei in the abilities of the martial arts. For this I give to you the dojo and all of the items inside, you have earned them." He picked himself back up and turned his back on me then, his head lowered, his hands dangling at his sides.

I was stunned, I had no idea what to say or do, or if I should even move. It took me some time to find my voice, once I did however I said to him, "Father, I cannot accept your forfeiting of the dojo to me. I will not allow you to give me the sowrds and weapons you earned in all of the battles you were in. I will never be more than you are, I cannot surpass such greatness. I have been a very fortunate and lucky person to have you as my sensei for as long as I have. I will never claim this dojo as my own, however I will invite you over to my house when I get one so you can help me fashion one of my own."

He spun and looked at me with his eyes full of fury, yet surprise and respect, a strange combination all at one time. He was now the one having trouble finding the voice that never failed him. He took even longer than I did, but he simply said, "Thank you my son. I will never again offer this to you. What is done is done. I will ask one thing of you however."

Intrigued I looked at him, snapping out of my attention stance and raised one eyebrow, "And that is?"

Smiling he looked back at me almost in the same exact fashion as I was looking at him, with just the slightest trace of smirk on his face he asked, "Will you please teach me all that you know?"

Reflections in the Dojo

A person can train forever and a day to learn how to be an efficient and lethal killer, but never can they train for the aftermath of what that savagery will bring. I spent the next day alone in the dojo, quiet and withdrawn, seeing the faces of the men that I killed in my mind. Over and over again I would see them standing there just looking at me, I would see the look of horror and shock in their eyes as my blade pierced their flesh, separating their life from their souls, I would see them fall to the ground dead. More and more I kept thinking of the families, if any, they had that were left because of my doing, my hand, my blade. I was sad, but more than that I was angry. I became angry at Nakagana for not warning me about this feeling that I would encounter, I was angry at Kashii for her even headedness and smooth temperament during this time, ultimely I learned that the person I was angry at was myself.

Nakagana did all that he could to leave me alone and let me figure out the feeling by myself, however he would stop in from time to time and see if I was doing alright. "Forgive me son, I know that you have asked me to stop pestering you, but as a concerned father I just want to know if you are fine."

I would look over at him and the first thought that I had whenever I saw his face hovering over my shoulder, his eyes piercing into mine looking for any sign of what my feelings held, I wanted to slap him and yell, make him stop doing that. I wanted him out of my head, yet I couldn't bring myself to do so because I was feeling another thing at the same time, I was feeling sorrow and empathy for him. I could only imagine what he must be feeling at this time, knowing that he not only killed other men, but he brought his son into it as well. He introduced the world of pain and suffering onto the one person that he swore never to show any to, his fault I was feeling this way, and he knew it. I would simply look back into his eyes suppressing all emotion and rage and tell him, "I am just fine Father, you may leave now. When I am ready to come out I will, for now I will meditate on their souls and pray for their release from evil." He would silently walk away and let me pray for each victim of my sword.

Kashii took another approach altogether, she would come in with a tray of food for me and leave it on the floor next to me. Before she left she would walk around to be in front of me and kneel down, coming down to my eye level. "Yoji, I am worried about you. You have not spoken to Nakagana about how you feel, he is concerned, as I am. Please tell me if there is anything you wish to talk about." Her eyes all full of love, misty, deep, powerful. Her mouth in a slight smile, sweet and welcoming. I could never turn her away, I told her what I was doing, as I had told Nakagana. She lowered her head and whispered a small prayer to the floor as well. Loosely tranlated she wished for the safe passage of the dearly departed souls from mother earth to the kingdom of heaven where they shall remain full of peace and light. I listened to her kind words fall from her beautiful mouth, I felt a tear come out of my eye and trail slowly down my cheek. I could smell the delicious food she brought out to me, my stomach took a turn and made a strange noise. She smiled and said she would be back with more once I finished off the plate, fifteen straight hours of praying and meditating can cause hunger I found out.

When she returned she had with her Nakagana ho had brough his own tray of food with him, he did not look in my eyes when he sat down, nor did he even turn his face towards me. I kept looking at him and made him look at me by saying, "Father, why do you wish to not look at your son?" I felt hurt that he was treating me the way that he was, did I truly offend him by not saying anything to him?

"If that is what you wish of me then I will, otherwise I do not wish to upset such a powerful man as yourself." It was the first time that he had called me a man and treated me as an equal with him, not as a teacher and student, but a warrior like him. He must have picked up on that feeling for he looked at Kashii, leaned over and kissed her cheek and then waited for her to leave before we had our talk.

"Yojiro I have watched you as you have matured. You came to me as a scared little boy, beaten and bruised from the world and the family that he had grown to know. I was afraid that you may become a product of that hate and anger, however you have exceeded my expectations and became a very powerful, yet troubled warrior. You have a presence around you that I cannot describe. This presence makes it so that you feel the sorrow and sadness of the world as it happens. You are capable of dynamic actions in battle, yet it troubles you when it happens. This is a normal reaction to the first fight that you are in. I can tell you that it gets better with each battle you live through. You have shown impressive skill and nerve with your movements earlier, you have also shown amazing power. To the amount that you showed in such a young body is unheard pf, in fact, it is something that I have never heard of. I would like to do something for you, for me, for all of us. Before I can do this I have to ask you, do you truly trust me?"

I was astounded and taken aback by what he had just said to me. Was he actually telling me good things about myself? No one ever does that, he had to of been talking about someone else. I must have missed it somewhere as he was talking, he could not be talking about me. Yet I knew that he was and I was more trying to talk myself into believeing it so that we could proceed with what it was he wanted to do. I looked at him to see if he was showing any signs what so ever of joking or anything, reaching for a way to get away from the seriousness of everything. I was not ready for philosophy or mysticisim and I knew it was going to be both that was going to happen. "Of course I trust you. I have some questions first thought."

He raised one eyebrow and looked at me with his head cocked to the side, a small half-smile across his mouth, "By all means let me hear them so I can give you my answers, I pray that they are helpful for you."

I looked down at my lap for one second, maybe longer than that, and after staring at my fingers for a short moment I looked back up and started asking questions. "Why did you decide to show me the ways of the samurai, if you really did not want me to ever use them?"

He waited to see if I was done before he answered my question. "Yoji, I showed you the ways of how to defend yourself because of concern. I wanted to make sure that you would be able to take of yourself if you were ever attacked, or if you were ever being hurt. What I showed you was how to handle yourself in any situation. I hoped that you would learn from this what to do in a time that is sticky. I wanted you to learn how to avoid being a spot you did not want ot be. I did not show you how to just kill people when you are in battle, I hope that you understand I showed you how to see the right choices in life and give you the power to make the right decisions. That is why I showed you the ways of the samurai my son, to help improve the already remarkable person that you are."

"What made you see that I was right for that when no one else could see that?" I was trying to avoid showing any emotion or surprise by his answer. It was something that I needed to know for myself, it was something that I was thinking about in between prayers.

"I saw in you the opportunity to help you grow. I saw the power you showed when taking care of those two boys when they tried to hurt the girl. I saw the determination and sheer rage pour out of your being when you saw an injustice being done. I saw myself in you. Only when I saw you then I saw a boy that was confused and unaware of what his potential was. So what I saw was a chance to not only help you, but help the world by giving to them the person that is before me."

As you might imagine I was a little confused by all of that, again up until I became a part of Nakagana and Kashii's life, I never heard one positive word of encouragement or affection from a single person in my life. I looked away from him for the briefest of seconds, but he knew everything I felt just by that one sideways glance. He could read all of the love, the happiness, the pride I felt in myself and him by my not looking at him, it is to this day a talent that I have tried to learn. With the steadiest voice I could find I asked him, "What exactly have you given the world with my being trained?"

His smile was full of pride and amusement, "I have given them the world the most incredible warrior for justice that I could find. I have given them a reason to feel safe when they are on the streets. I have given the world the gift of hope. I have given them a person to believe in. As I have given all of those gifts to you. I only ask that you use them with the best intentions in mind."

I had one more question for him, one more thing that I had to hear out loud. I knew the answer, but still had to hear it out loud, so with that in mind I asked him, "Can I still call you my Dad even though you are accepting me as an equal?"

"It would break my heart if you did not do so, son."

Silent, Savage and Swift

Life continued for me in a way that I had never known. We had family dinners every night, we made decisions together as a family unit, the entire family would go to places and no one would be left behind like an embarrassment to the family's name, we were very protective and proud of each other. Words were used for encouragement along with arms to give hugs. Kashii loved to give me a hug and then lower my face down so that my eyes would be looking at the top of my feet so she could plant a big kiss on the middle of my forehead, leaving behind two lip prints and not telling me. I would go around until someone pointed it out to me that I had lip prints on my head, unless I happened to catch it in the mirror. You would think that I would be able to remember to wipe my head off after every kiss from her, yet I never did. It wasn't because I was stupid or slow, I was so overwhelmed with the feeling one gets from the love of a parent that I really did not know which way was up half of the time.

Nakagana kept up the continuing lessons of mind and body, skill and strategy, every day and night. We spent the last hour of our night in the dojo reflecting and meditating, cleansing the day out of our system before we would go inside and bathe before going to bed. He was a wise and powerful teacher, kind and patient, he was very understanding. It was amazing how much I learned in the short amount of time that I had with both Kashii and Nakagana. I was with them for no more than five years, however in that five years time I had learned all that I would ever need to know to keep me alive to where I am today. The last time that I saw the both of them is a day that is burnt into my soul and heart, I see it every time I close my eyes, I hear it every time I go to sleep. When I meditate at night I feel it in my heart, the hurt, the pain, the misery, the love that I watched disappear that night twenty years ago when I was fifteen.


I was not schooled in the public system like the rest of the children from my youth were. Nakagana and Kashii taught me everything I needed to know about life, reading, writing, math, history and arts in the small pagoda of our backyard, our property, our temple in the middle of our small village. Kashii would take me into the back of the dojo where she had a large rice paper curtain drawn across to separate the room into two and teach me all of the book smarts she knew. If an IQ test was ever created to accurately measure the level of intelligence she had I do not know of one, it is rumored that her mind and Nakagana's mind are two of the minds that they measure everyone else off of, but again that could just be a rumor, but I think that it is not. After lunch I would be given an hour of reflection in the back yard fountain and gardens area. It was always a welcome break before the last three hours of the day with Nakagana and the physical part of my day.

With each training session I had with Nakagana he would incorporate not only reflex and strength training but also the daily lessons of his beloved Kashii. I would be discussing the importance of history and what I learned about it alongside proper sword thrusting angles to better disable your opponent. He would always incorporate what I had learned with his movements and techniques. I do believe that he had discovered one of the most effective teaching tools for anyone, it not only cemented the facts that I had learned with movements, but it taught me how to multi-task.

I am thankful for the many things that Kashii and Nakagana taught me and did for me, I am most thankful however for the feeling of family that have bestowed upon me and the love they shared with me. One day Nakagana had asked me a question that had been burning its mark on his psyche for quite some time, he asked me where I had learned how to fight with the style I used to dispatch Hakana and Hokori that day so long ago on his fence.

I had been waiting for him to ask me this since he started showing me the techniques of the Samurai he had learned from his father, for I knew it would be important to him to know whose teachings he had continued. He seemed rather pleased, and very shocked, by my answer. I looked at him and as I always did I told him the truth, I was never one to hide a fact to try and make the blow any easier, I always speak the truth and let it come out for what it is, regardless of reaction or outcome. I looked at my father and said, "The answer I will be giving you is the same one as what you have come to believe it to be Father, I was never taught. I acted on sheer instinct and gut reaction. I have never been shown how to fight other than by you." I will never forget the smile he had once he heard the answer he had been waiting for.

It is not always something that one thinks of, but as you go through life and you grow up, so does the rest of the world. I had lived inside the safety and solitude of the fences that surrounded our property, fences that I helped my father Nakagana help build. As I grew up and learned the basic fundamental building blocks that have made me who I am today, the rest of society had moved on somewhat. In my honest opinion the world disintegrated down to a lower form of life that had no meaning or bearing on anything good or healthy. Crime rates had jumped to an astronomical high that the town had never seen before, big corporations moved in and polluted our air with the filth and stench of industry, brutality became the norm on the streets that once housed serenity and calm. I heard the screams of women and children often before going to bed at night, to try and fix that Kashii would play the flute she carved out of bamboo to soothe me to sleep. One night however, even she could not ignore the sounds that were coming from the street and she became frightened. It was then that the training that Nakagana had shown me came to be most beneficial, for he and I were standing back to back with our swords drawn walking towards the gate that closed off the street.

We heard at least three women screaming for someone to help them, no one seemed to care or even do anything to stop their screams. One of the screams sounded like a young girl, no more than twelve being brutalized by what sounded like five other men, if not more than that. We could hear the other women screaming to leave her alone, to stop, doing all they could to make the horror stop. We heard one of the women get slapped and fall to the ground. It was at this moment that I became acutely aware of all the things around me. The leaves made a loud, crisp noise as the wind ruffled them, the air took on a pungent aroma that filled my nostrils, the shadows became clear and it seemed that I was able to see even the smallest blade of grass on the lawn. I looked to my left and saw, actually felt more than saw, Nakagana staring at my face seeing if I was ready for this. "My son, it is do or die as they say. Are you prepared?"

Hearing the girl getting beaten and who only knew what else beyond the fence made me more than prepared, I looked at him and said, "Father, this is what I was born for." At that we kicked the gate open and stormed through with our swords raised and our eyes peeled for all that came our way.

I believe that the first thing to happen was my blade was driven through the first back of the man standing in front of me as Nakagana's blade separated the head from the shoulders of another man in front of him. Once they fell that left five other men to dispatch of, all of them standing with their mouths hanging open, not knowing what to do. One of them made a move with his right hand towards his side, I could only guess that he was going for a gun, and I reacted as my father taught me. I disabled his attack before doing anything else to him. My blade was a bright blur in the glare of the street light as I crouched low and leaned forward, moving my sword in an upward motion at the same time. His right hand fell into the dirt at his feet. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the young girl being helped up by the other four women, her eyes were red and swollen, her clothes torn. Seeing this and knowing what was happening to her made my anger increase even more, intensifying my senses to a realm that I had never known existed until then. The breeze was a voice in my ears telling me to stand and attack.

I brought the sword across my chest and flipped the handle around in my hand so the blade was sticking out behind me. I thrust my arm backward while holding the sword like that and felt the blade penetrate the man running towards me, I spun around to see the blood pouring out of his crotch as the metal of my sword disappeared into his pants. I let go of the handle and watched as he feel onto his back, my right hand had another sword in it almost immediately after my left hand let go of the other one. I turned towards the man that had his hand cut off and watched as he stood there screaming curses at me over and over again and again. He fell to his knees in front of me and held his arm that ended in a bloody stump in front of his face, holding it up with his other hand, showing me the effect my blade had on him, all the while screaming in pain and surprise. Without a word I brought the blade up so that I could see the world reflected behind my shoulder and held it there, much like a baseball player getting ready to swing. I could see another figure behind me as I was preparing the final blow for the screaming handless person in front of me.

I reacted on pure instinct and slashed the sword down in a world class baseball swing and silenced the screams in front of me. I kept both hands on the handle of the sword and spun around with the blade pointed out in front of me, pointed directly at the approaching figure behind me. The blade entered his body at his stomach and exited out of his back, as instructed I twisted the handle of the sword once to the left, once to the right as I pulled my blade out of his stomach. He fell to the ground and bled to death from the mortal slicing of his stomach and intestines. I stood up and grabbed the handle of the sword sticking out of the other man's crotch, in one swift movement I had it in my hand held in fornt of me, blood was all over the blade looking black in the moonlight.

I looked over at Nakagana and saw that he was finishing off his opponent with a move that he had yet to teach me. His opponent had retrieved a gun before Nakagana could stop him from doing so and it was pointed right at Nakagana. My breath caught in my chest because I thought that my father and mentor was about to die right in front of me, however what he did next was astounding.

In each of his hands he held a sword, when he saw that the gun's barrel was pointed directly at him he started to move his hands in a cross-over pattern in front of him. His hands were moving so fast that the blades made what looked like a see through metal curtain in front of him. As he spun the blades like this he also took a step towards the man and the gun, never breaking eye contact on the face of the gun holder. The girl, the women and myself all jumped when we heard the loud bang of the gun, one of them even screamed. However what we saw made all of us fall silent, including the shooter.

Off of the metal curtain in front of Nakagana we saw a small spark flare up right in front of his face. We also heard a small ting as the bullet bounced off of the blades circling like a fan blade in front of him. The shooter was so surprised by this that he dropped the gun and tried to run away. He did not see the head of one of the men that Nakagana had killed just previously behind his right foot and he fell to the ground hard, hitting his face on the street as he did.

When Nakagana saw the man turn to run away he stopped spinning his blades and jumped into the air with the swords held out to his sides. His feet landed on either side of the sprawled body of the shooter, his hands had been held in front of him, the cutting edges of the swords were held against either side of the neck of the person below Nakagana, his hands steady and poised to finish. The person below the blades was terrified, tears were streaming down his face, he was not making any intelligible sound come out of his mouth, he held his hands up as if that was going to make it all go away, make it stop. Nakagana watched him for a small amount of time, no more than thirty seconds. The man stopped blubbering and crying and turned to look and see if Nakakgana was going to spare him his life, in one small movement of his strong hands Nakagana ended his fear, and his life.

Kashii had run out of the gated entryway and had stood in front of the women helping the girl off of the ground. In her hands she had a small robe for the girl to throw over her ragged, torn, and missing clothing. She whispered something to them that neither Nakagana nor myself could make out and the women ran away without a word, the girl stopped and turned towards us before she ran away. She raised her hand and waived, a small smile on her face, and then she was gone into the shadows of the night.

The three of us stood there looking at each other before we walked into the yard and closed the large wooden gate behind us, all of us picked up a piece of the large log that was slid into place to lock the world and the fight behind us. One thing I have come to learn was that no matter how tall or strong the fence is, you will never be able to close the past behind it.

Nakagana's Early Lessons

Nakagana was good at giving you criticisim without being harsh about it. On several occasions he would use such phrases, "A one armed retard could do better than that" or "Do you have your eyes open or are you guessing?" He said these statements always with a smile to make sure that you knew he was kidding, and yet his tone always made you aware that he was serious. He strived not for perfection but for the absolute best a person could do, if they were honestly trying. To this day it is a trademark that has left its impression mon me and what I expect of others. All I have ever expected from another person is that you give it a try and do your best at it.

He taught me patience in a variety of ways including balance, concentration, and practice. He would give a bowl of rice, steaming and hot, and have me balance it on my head until it fell. The longer I balanced it the more praise he would give, and the less criticisim. You have to realize that for me this was something extraordinary, I had been raised in a house were opening your eyes in the morning gave the parental figures a reason to belittle and dictate you. To hear praise was something that I was not used to, but it was something that I grew accustomed to rather quickly. I craved it, I wanted it, it became more than a want, it became a need. True that I did indeed suffer some burning from the rice, but it is something that teaches you fast. Think about that for a second before you cast a judgement of abuse, to learn if a hot thing does indeed burn a child needs to touch it, don't they? Scalding bits of edible grain down the back of your neck and shirt teaches you how to stand more upright and straight and is something that you will never forget. Nakagana did not do it to be mean, he did it to teach you that you were indeed off balance and needed to be corrected, centered so to speak. He was able to translate the idea of being centered over to all aspects of life as well.

One of the things that Nakagana did was give me homework. Please remember that what I did to Hokori and Hakana was still alive and well through the neighborhood, so going back to school was an impossibility unless I wanted to get hit and beat every day. Kashii and Nakagana taught me everything I need to know at home, in a safe, loving, peaceful, and intelligent environment. What I mean by intelligent environment is that both Nakagana and Kashii would never be able to have their IQ's tested, for there is not a test that would have been able to measure the width and depth of their collective intelligence. Of the homework that Nakagan woudl give the most important was reading, it also taught me patience for it made me wait and discover the answer to my questions instead of having them shown to me. He would ask me to read and do a report on a book that he choose for me each and every week, I did not get a summer vacation, which also meant that Kashii and Nakagana never took a vacation either. I have never forgotten their sacrifice that was built on nothing but love, at that time I was not aware however that it would not be the only sacrifice they would give.

In the dojo side of the pagoda Nakagana had several lessons a day planned for me. He was very adamant about hw important it was to learn the ways to move to make you a proficient warrior. He showed how to move silently, wind walking was his term for it, he showed me how to move with purpose, he called that deliberated striking. He also taught me how to concentrate, plan, listen, and above all else he showed me how important it was to be the one that finishes the fight, but never starts it. "Always remember that it is the motions and the actions that make your character, never is it your words or mouth." I would leave the dojo with sore limbs, abrely able to walk a straight line or even lift a pair of chopsticks to feed myself at the end of each day. One time Kashii went to help me eat when I was having a hard time grasping the sticks in my hand, I tried both my left and right hand. I could not get either set of fingers to close enough to grasp the thin blasa wood of the chopsticks, could not apply enough pressure to hold it. I saw out of the corner of my eye her sweet, smiling, loving face floating towards me I looked up into her eyes and said gently, "Please Mother, stop. I do not need your help. This is something that I can do on my own."

Her eyes showed no sign of the urt she was feeling on th einside of her soul, nor were they showing any sign of the pride she had in the strength I was showing to her, and more importantly to myself. The only thing that I did see at that point was Nakagana staring intently at me watchig every move I made. He watched me struggle to get the sticks just right, he watched me force the sticks closed with my free hand, without any movement of his face or eyes he watche dme lift my right hand up with my left and catch the food in my mouth before it fell into the bowl yet again. I closed my eyes as the delicious flavor of the steamed rice and poi filled my mouth, Kashii always knew how to cook (something that she tought me to a great advantage to anyone fortunate enough to be over at my house hungry) and that food seemed to be the best thing that she had ever made. The flavor exploded in my mouth and filled nearly all of my senses to the point of exhaustion. It was not until later on when I told Nakagana what I felt during our nightly mediatation what it truly was that I was tasting.

He looked over at me and listened to me tell my story with intent and then smiled and gently rubbed the top of my head, toussling my hair. "Yoji, what you were tasting at that moment was not the flavor of the food, although Kashii does know how to cook better than anyone I have ever known, it was victory. You were tasting the sweet taste of victory fill more than your mouth and stomach with nutrition, you were tasting your soul become full of nutrition over your victory with the chopsticks."

I looked at him with just the slightest smile on my lips when I asked him, "What do you mean by the victory of the chopsticks? All I did was get my too tired hand to finally grasp my sticks and let food fall into my mouth, it was no big deal."

Nakagana acted as if I had just slapped him, he looked at me with the smallest bit of rage in his eyes, yet that rage looked as if it filled his entire face, he looked almost sinsiter. "Do not ever negate any victory you make, no matter how small it is, by using such trivial words as those. You won over your exhaustion, it takes a big person to continue after such trials."

Not surprisingly his words stung me, I felt like a small child feels after it has been spanked, I had been disciplined with words, which I found out hurt more than a hand. I lowered my eyes and immediately removed the small little smile that had been on my mouth and said, very quietly, "Forgive me Father I did not mean to make you angry."

When that response was met with silenced I was afraid to look up at him. After what seemed like an eternity I looked up at Nakagana and saw tears in his eyes that spilled down onto his robes, it was not until I saw him crying that I realized I had called him Father for the first time. I lowered my face right away not knowing what I was going to do or say that could make anything go away, or even take back what I had said that would make him cry like that, as if he was reading my mind he said, "Do not try to take back anything of what you said. The tears that are falling are good tears, full of happiness, because I have heard a person such as yourself give me the honor of being called Father."

It was now my turn to let the tears fall, and fall they did. We sat there on the floor of the dojo silently letting the tears fall from our eyes, slowly and heavy. Feeling them trail down our cheeks and falling off of our chins, both of us feeling the most unbelievable feelings of honor and pride over the other one having that much respect for us. It was one of the first feelings of love I had for a person that considered themselves to be my parent, it was not the last time I would feel that. To this day there has never been a more touching moment to me than that night in the dojo with my mentor, my father, Nakagana Kujimono.

Building Blocks

Kashii was very understanding of me as I was of her, she did watch me with a little bit of an uneasy eye for about a week. It did not take her long to see that I meant waht I said, and stood by my word when given to a person. She was very happy to see another person in the house so willing ot help and be helped, it was always her way to do that for people. If you ever needed help the person that you would want around would have been Kashii, she knew how to do everything and anything, if she didn't know how to do it she learned in less than a minute by watching what you were doing. She was truly amazing, I really do miss her, she was the one that taught me what a loving mother is. For that reason alone I have dedicated my life to being just like her, kind, loving, supportive, and tough when needed.

It took me just a little bit to realize what good fortune I had by letting my feet lead the way through my destiny. When I left beaten, bruised and sore from the house that was (by law) my home I had no idea where I was going to go, or if I even had a place to go. I just panicked, got scared and ran away. The first thing that Nakagan taught me in my life that I have retained is to never run away from your problems, face them head on and do not back down. Good advice that has kept me alive through everything up to now, very good advice indeed. I woke up every day from the moment I decided to stay with Nakagana and Kashii with a smile, a warm feeling, a hug and a word of encouragement. I was not expected to be up and have the morning coffee and meal ready. We would wake up and we would do for each other, we would help each other, we would work together. That is how our life was spent, together, as one whole family, yet each individual. Not one dictator or ruler, not one servant, just one collective whole.

Once I had healed up and I was maintaining a normal living, Nakagana came up to me one day and said, "Yoji come with me in the back yard, I need your help with something." He smirked and then walked away, I followed behind him.

He stopped in front of a large roped off area in the back yard, on one side of it was some stacks of wood, on the other side of it was boxes of shingles. He motioned over to the area that had the wood and two tool belts by it. Each belt had the same amount of tools in it, all of them matching, and each belt had a name printed on it. One said Nakagana the other said Yojiro. I was oddly touched by this little sentiment, it was something that I had never experienced before. He stood next to me while we were putting on our belts and he told me what we were going to do.

"For many years Kashii has wanted me to build her a pagoda in the backyard. I have been meaning to do this for her, however with lack of help around here, I have not been able to do so. Now that I have you here, and you seem willing to help, we can build it for Kashii. Do you think we can do this?" He was studying my face to see what I was going to answer. I looked him driectly in the eye and gave him the yes he had been looking for.

We spent the rest of that day measuring the wood and sawing it to the measurements that we made three times per board. We started to get a frame work done on the pagoda's floor when Kashii came out to check up on our progress. She had brought out our dinner on a tray with some drinks. It was so refreshing to have someone show actual concern and caring for me, I was overwhelmed at first but became used to it very fast. The smile on her face when she saw what it was that we were doing was something that I could never find the right words to use to express to you. I can tell you that it lit up her face and actually brought tears to her eyes, as it did mine. Kashii turned to her husband and hugged him very tight, and said thank you over and over again to him. It seemed odd to have such a huge reaction to a pagoda being built, however when we started to work on it I realized what it was that we were actually building.

Nakagana showed to me the blueprints that he made up. They included a floor that was twenty feet long and thrity feet wide on each side. He had a small little deck area off of the pagoda that was a raised octagon platform that had a railing and bench seats all around it, basically it was a sitting and entertaining area. Inside there was a hallway that ran the entire length and was about four feet wide, on the other side of the door way when you walked in was a wall that ran the rest of the length of the floor. It seperated the pagoda off into two large rooms, both of them decorated drastically different.

In one of the rooms Kashii had the job of decorating and making it feel like a sancturary for herself. She made the room look just like the room she had grown up in back in Fujimayra so long ago. She was able to take the only remaining picture she had of her mother and father and hang it on the wall, next to the symbols of love and family she painted in calligraphy on the wall next to the portrait. Everything else she had to recreate from memory, being that her village had been burned to the ground from the roving bandits of the hills. The only thing that she could not bring back to life was her mother and father as they had been slaughtered in front of her as they tried to protect her against the bandits. I thought that making something that would remind you of that terrible time in your life would be traumatic to the senses, however through her outlook on life and her beautiful soul I was able to find out that it had quite the opposite effect. I am very thankful she showed me that, for it was helpful for me later in life.

On the other side of the gazebo was the room that Nakagana was allowed to decorate. He made a very simple, bamboo framed room that had a small raised platform in the far back corner made of hardwood, stained very dark, almost black. In the middle of the raised platform was the prayer table that he had in the living room before we completed the pagoda. He had several incense holders and incense sticks burning around the dark ivory statue of Buddah. Along one whole wall of the room was Nakagana's collection of swords, daggers, stars, knives and other assorted weaponry that he had collected over the years. With each weapon he had a story as to how he acquired them, ranging from fights to the death, to buying them out of the mail orders he had sent to him. In the middle of the room was the floor made out of bamboo, hard and unforgiving when fell on, that he had a pattern of circles painted on. In the middle was the smallest circle, three feet off from that circle was a larger circle, three feet out from that an even bigger circle. All of the circles were connected by lines that ran in a perpendicular pattern through the middle of all of the circles. This was his training area, his dojo.

It was in this dojo that Nakagana taught me some of the most imprtant and worthwhile lessons of my life. This is the dojo in which I was taught how to be a sharpened edge of a knife, how I learned how to be an efficient killer, a powerful warrior, through the tutelage of Nakagana I learned how to be a samurai.