Dreaming

I spent the rest of the year with Nakagana and Kashii in a blissful state. Everything seemed to have a glow around it that had never been there before. I had noticed a radiance around my mother that seemed to light up the room. Everytwhere she went it seemed like she was floating on air, the way she moved was like watching a cloud drift across the sky. The apple blossoms as they fell off of the trees made it seem like it was snowing when it was so far away from winter. I thought that I had walked into Eden and found my paradise. Nakagana had more than welcomed the chance to become a pupil once again, and he proved to be a very apt one at that. To our surprise however Kashii came into the dojo one night and picked up a staff wanting to prove herself to us.

"Mother, please. You do not need to prove yourself to me, I already know that you are the superior one in the family. Let Nakagana think all he wants about being in control, I know who the real master of the house is," after saying this I gave my mother a deep bow. I could feel Nakagana's eyes drilling into me, he sensed the sarcasm and knew that I had dragged him onto the carpet.

Kashii looked over at her husband, a large smile of joy on her face, she too was aware of the sarcasm but wondered how much she could get her husband to say. "Is this true Naky? Is this how you feel as well? This is what you talk about when I am not here?"

His mouth was a dancing, jittering mixture as he tried to keep the smile from splitting his face in two. "Kashii you know how I feel about you, and what I feel about us. Ask yourself this, who is the one that truly wears the kimono here?" With that he could not control his smile anymore and he burst into laughter.

Kashii waited until we were all done with our laughter before she tried to teach us anything. I still remember her standing there like a living doll, her porcelain like skin almost radiating in the light from the candles lit on the wall across from her. Her smile that seemed to say, My boys will never grow up, her eyes alight with love and pride for what she had in front of her. In her tiny hands she held a long piece of hardened wood, stained a dark brown. She waited until we were both looking at her and we each picked up a similar piece of wood. Once all of us had our staffs in our hands and were paying attention, Kashii began her lesson for Nakagana and myself.

"When I was a little girl in my village I had a father that was respected for his kindess and his wisdom, yet he was legendary feared for his skill with a staff. Back then we did not have any use for weaponry such as guns, they were considered to be loud and rude. We used weapons that are now considered classic, sleek and classic. We looked at them as necessary and people today look at them as collector's pieces, I still get a small smile on my face when I think of how much money I could have made by selling the pieces I know how to make in my sleep. I just could not bring myself to the level of making money off of something so, to me, unethical. Instead I am choosing to show to my husband and my son the essential knowledge of this stately and majestic weapons so I can prolong their wonderful lives on the face of this Earth even that much longer.

"I will show you the ways of my father, Hattori Hanzo, and you will see with your own eyes why the children of the village were always afraid of him, and in essence, me and my siblings. My father was a good man that would never hurt anyone, however if you had hurt him or more importantly anyone he considered his family, the chances of you seeing the next sunrise were few and far in between. It is because of Hattori that I have lived for as long as I have, but it is with a heavy heart that I show to you his staff, for it was given to me the day that he died. "

Before Kashii started the rest of her story she lowered her head and said a small prayer to the staff and looked up at the ceiling finishing the prayer with a kiss being blown to the ceiling. She had been speaking in Japanese and I realized that because of the fact that I had been with them for as long as I had, I was able to understand much like I was able to understand the English language. Kashii had asked the spirits up above to bless her heart for she missed her father so, she asked the spirits to bless her hand so she would not disappoint her father's image, and she asked that the spirits pass the knowledge and strength of her father through her and into her students.

"The first thing that my father taught me was the importance of your eyes. Use them as an accessory to your armor is what he would say. Make sure that you were always looking at your attackers eyes, they will always give away the next move. Not only are eyes a mirror to one's soul, they are also a precursor to everyone's moves. Even the most trained and disciplined student of the arts cannot stop that from happening. Nakagana, please come up here, I would like you to demonstrate to Yojiro what I mean by this," she had stepped to the side and held herhand off to the side waiting for Nakagana to get into place.

"Watch my face Yojiro when Nakagana attacks, learn the placement of my eyes, it will be your most helpful tool," she held her staff in front of her ready to block Nakagana's attack. A look of utter concentration moved over her face. I saw her eyes glaze over, I saw the warrior eyes that I had seen in my dream. Her face became a study of dark, dangerous, and undeniable beauty. Her mouth was a hard line, her cheeks perfectly outlined along her jaw, she held her hands still as stone.

Nakagana saw his wife, the person that he loved more than anyone he had ever loved, turn into this steely warrior in front of him. The psychological ploy on Kashii's part worked wonders. Nakagana acted as if he never held a staff before, he almost dropped it twice. When his hands were finally calmed down enough tos tay still he proceeded with his attack. He brought the staff over his right shoulder and swing down and to the left diagonally.

Kashii never blinked, she never stepped back, and she hardly moved. In fact she had moved so fast that I thought she had not moved at all and was using another psychological tool, until I heard the loud "WHACK" of wood against wood. As if she could read his mind, her staff was already in the post where his connected, waiting for the connection to happen. Nakagana flipped the end of the staff into the air towards her chin, again with hardly a flicker of movement the end of her staff was waiting for him. He tried to thrust forward with his left hand still holding the staff, she blocked it again. He tried with his right, another "WHACK". For five straight minutes he did this, and over and over again Kashii blocked every single jab, thrust, parry and swing. Finally she looked Nakagana in the eyes and said to him, "I think that it is time to give up husband, you will not beat me."

Nakagana flinched as if he had just heard the most offensive thing in the world. He spun, twisted, flipped and thrust the staff over his hands and through them rapidly and with a purpose. Amazingly Kashii blocked, stopped, deflected and most surprisingly, knocked Nakagana out of her way and onto his back. She held the end of the staff at his throat and said very slowly, "As I said husband, I do believe you should back down. I will stop you with any means necessary."

Nakagana did something then that I had never seen him do before, he closed his eyes and relented. He let his pursuit of victory fall at his feet and allowed his wife to help him off of the floor, he did this with a smile of pride on his face. He looked at Kashii with a new found feeling of love and desire, it was obvious to anyone seeing that look that he truly loved his wife. "Kashii, please help your defeated husband up off of the floor," he asked her with hs hand held up for her to grab it.

Kashii lowered her weapon and grabbed Nakagana's hand, her smile was big and her face was radiant, however her eyes still retained the warrior sheen that they had just moments ago. She saw something in Nakagana's eyes that I had not and she reacted the way that she knew would be best.

Nakagana, still smiling, made the mistake of looking his wife in the eyes as she held his hand and plotting hs next move. It was a dirty trick and one that was low, Nakagana knew this because he had schooled me on it several times, however he tried. Kashii was not lying when she said that she would use any means necessary to stop him, and she did. Nakagana pulled on her hand and almost sent her over onto her face, at the same time he raised his leg so that the foot would connect with the back of her head. Once again I was amazed at the sight of this beautiful woman and her handling of the situation, it occurred to me that I was indeed going to learn more from a sensai yet, more than that, a woman sensai (which was almost unheard of then).

Kashii pretended to be surprised, yet her reactions fooled even her husband, and he did not know what happened to him. She spun around so fast it almost seemed like she did not move and batted his foot away and down, she held his leg in place by stepping on the side of his knee. With her other foot she was able to flip the staff off of the floor by rolling into under her foot first, catching it on the top of her foot and then flipping it in the air with a flick of her ankle. She spun the staff around her hand twice, maneuvering professionally, efficiently, and then stopped it with the end once again against Nakagana's throat. The smile was gone, replacing it was a hard line of anger, her eyes were blazing balls of fire. When she spoke her voice was steady, deep, assuming, "How dare you use such an ugly, arrogant, and stupid move to try and disarm me. You are lucky that our son is here or I would give you a mark that would not go away for some time to remind you that I am not some common street thug that will fall for such tricks. You should be ashamed for what you just did, consider yourself lucky that I do not still mark you."

The fury that was evident in her eyes was something that I never forgot, nor do I expect to. I could almost see the anger boiling off of her in waves, little tiny thermal lines wiggling their way into the air off of her skin. She was full of intensity and rage, Nakagana had a look on his face that I had never seen before, he was wearing the mask of fear. His eyes were round and big, his mouth was trembling in the corners, his brow furrowed and lined. He was trying to speak but could not find his voice, he let go of his weapons and grabbed the staff as it was pressed against his throat and tried to move it. Surprisingly he could not budge it, Kashii held her ground and didn't move until Nakagana spoke.

"Kashii. I beg for your forgiveness and your understanding of what I did. I was trying to show to you and Yojiro that all battles are not fought with courtesy and grace, sometimes people use dirty tricks. I wanted to make sure that you were ready for anything that will come your way. I also admit that my arrogance got the better of me and I wanted to say that I never had a woman beat me in a fight, for that I truly did do wrong next to you, my wife. If you need to still mark me so that I never forget this lesson feel free to do so, I understand," with that he closed his eyes and waited for Kashii to decide what she was going to do.

Kashii lowered her staff, looked over at me and gave me an inquisitive look that seemed to say, "What would you do?" Before I could open my mouth to answer her she reacted quick. She brought the staff over her head and let out a primal scream of rage and brought it down towards his head, at the last moment she moved the end of the staff and hit the floor next to his cheek leaving a large crack and hole in the stone there. When the last of the scream stopped echoing inside the dojo Nakagana opened his eyes to stare up into his wife's, her face was wet with sweat and tears, her hair was hanging down along her cheeks. Her whole body was shaking and quivering, she stood there and waited until Nakagana got up on his feet and then hugged her. They walked towards the house together and left me alone in the dojo to contemplate what I had just seen. I watched as they shambled across the lawn and into the back door, then I watched the lights go on inside and I could see their shadows against the windows. I followed their progression from the back door to the bedroom, watching them stumble and remove clothing along the way I knew that I would be sleeping in the dojo that night.

That night I had a dream of incredible power and surprise, surprise mainly because it brought back tomy mind a person that I had not thought of in a long time. As I lay down on the futon in the back of the dojo, my head resting on the feather pillow, my body warm underneath the thick and plush comforter, my eyes closed and mymind began its dance of dreams. The first image that I saw was a field of flowers and tall grass waving in a slight breeze, there was a slight hill, a small raise more than anything with a figure on top. I could tell by looking at that figure it was a woman, the swell of breasts was visible from the profile view I had of her. Her long, flowing silken robe was billowing in the breeze just as the grass and flowers was. Her hair was gently waving in the same breeze as her clothes and the flowers, she must have heard or seen me because she turned towards me. One hand was holding her hair out of her face, the other was clutching the open part of her robe against her, covering her beautiful body. Sunlight was surrounding her and she was smiling, that smile seemed to be brighter than the sun that illuminated her in a heavenly glow.

She started running towards me with a large smile on her face her arms up and open, ready to embrace me and hold me against her. She was running so fast it looked as if her feet were floating above the ground. Her hair was streaming out behind her, bouncing and waving in the breeze from her running. As he approached closer I could see her face better. She looked like someone that I had met before, only a grown up woman now, not a child. Here in front of me, running towards me and my arms, was the only person other than my parents to show me any effection or caring. Running towards me was my beautiful Shishimi, as I was running towards her with my arms ready to catch her.

As we were running towards each other and getting closer I could see her face starting to change into a twisted sort of grimace. Her hands clutched her stomach as she toppled over onto her face and rolled down the small hill in front of her. I opened my m outh and screamed for her, tried to catch her before she fell, however she was too far away from me. I watched as her body stopped rolling and she was laying face down in the flowers and tall grass at the bottom of the hill. When I got to he side I rolled her over so she could look up into my face, and I could gaze down into her blazing and bright eyes. A feeling of doom had started to creep into my heart, I was hoping that I was wrong, but it soon became quite clear that I was right to feel so scared and tense.

When I rolled Shishimi over to look into her face I saw that her eyes were closed and that her mouth was trembling. She had tears rolling down her cheeks, big sparkling drops that caught the sunlight and twinkled, they looked like diamonds against her smooth skin. She had reached a hand up while moving her mouth into a strained, painful smile. She opened her trembling mouth and whispered in her sweet angelic voice, "Yojiro," as she touched my face. I could feel my skin burning from where she put her fingers. She made a small coughing noise and I watched the smile disappear from her face.

I was doing all that I could not to let her fall out of my shaking hands, the tears I could not stop at all. I slowly layed her on the grass below and lifted my hands up to move the hair out of her face. My fingers were leaving red trails of blood behind on her forehead as I moved the hair out of her face, I looked at them in disbelief not wanting to truly see it, but not able to stop myself from seeing it. She could see the concern on my face and almost as if she could read my mind she said, "It is too late for me, always watch out for them, always."

I held her head an looked into her eyes, my tears falling and mixing with hers, I wiped them away and I finally was able to make my voice work as I told her, "Wait for me Shishimi, wait for me. I won't be long behind you. I love you." I could feel her body tighten up as she took one last breath and looked me in the eyes, smiling at me with love reflecting in her eyes. She closed her eyes and went limp in my grasp, I could hear the breath leave her mouth. Her hand slowly feel from the back of my head and caught on my shoulder, it hung there for about three or four seconds before falling slowly down next to her face. I held her and sobbed over her dead body unaware of what was happening around me.

In my dream as I was holding Shishimi in my arms and crying over her the wind started to pick up and blow more of the blossoms that were falling around us and enclose us in a cloud of perfume. I looked up at the billowing curtain of pastel and watched as it danced on the air, seeming to make a pair of wings ready to carry my beloved Shishimi away from me. Through the curtain however I was able to see the horizon and I could see black, lighting spewing clouds and I could hear the rumble of thunder as the storm was approaching.

I gathered Shishimi in my arms and held her lifeless body against mine hoping that the beating mf my heart would bring her back, and ran for the nearest shelter, a cave in the bluff wall. We reached the entrance just as the rain picked up and became a downpour. I lay Shishismi on the floor of the cave and rolled my robe under her head, I crossed her hands on her chest and closed her eyes. I had lit three candles and was looking at her face in the dancing candle light, I knelt next to he dead body and prayed for her souls safe trip to the heavens. Outside the cave I was able to hear what I thought was thunder, but soon discovered that it was much wore, and much more dangerous than the sound of thunder.

In dreams the smallest of actions have a way of reverberating on your soul, the direction of the falling rain for instance can make you feel happy or sad, the soft sound of a voice can give you either a good light feeling or a heavy evil feel. That is why when I heard voices of other people my soul was immediately filled with an insurmountable feeling of dread and grief. I could hear what sounded like fifty or more men yelling commands and answering questions, what I thought was thunder was the sound of their horses hooves on the hard packed ground. Once I realized that it was not thunder that was approaching and it was these men I extinguished the candles as quickly as I could, hoping that they did not see the glow off of the walls. It was soon evident that they had seen the candlelight because five meant came straight to the cave entrance and pulled me and Shishimi's dead body out into the rain. When the men had found out that she was already dead they had thrown her body off to the side and forced me down onto my knees in front of the rest of the army there.

My first guess of fifty or more men was off by a little, I was kneeling in front of over three thousand men lined up in rows on their horses, all of them were wearing armor. One of the men got off of his horse and came directly to me, I recognized his face immediately. I could tell that this person in front of me was Hokori, only now he was much older than the last time I saw him. He raised his sword over his shoulder and brought it down towards my neck. I could not move or duck out of the way since his men had been holding my arms out at my side. Lightning struck in the sky, I could see it flash off of Hokori's blade before it sliced through my skin. I woke up on the floor of the dojo as I heard thunder explode in the sky hovering over my death.

It took me a long time to catch my breath as I scrambled to my feet and realized that I was still breathing, for the time being. It was dark, the fire in the pit in the middle of the dojo floor had gone out a while ago, I could hear dogs barking in distant yards, I could see stars shining through the sky light in the ceiling above me. I knelt down on the prayer mat that was beside the bed that I had been in when I went to sleep, I closed my eyes and placed my hands on my knees. I looked up at the sky and thanked the Great Spirits for giving me another day to live and breathe, and then I said a prayer to myself silently, wishing that what I saw never came true. I spent the rest of that year, the four months of what was left of it, afraid to sleep. I was very nervous that I would have to see Shishimi die in my arms and never know the reason why she did. I looked forward to seeing Shishimi in my dreams, but I did not look forward to watching her die. I could have cared less that I saw my own death, I never wanted to Shishimi die ever again.